You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
