SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
