We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They took my balls.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
