theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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