I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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