Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
