just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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