He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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