lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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