he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
