you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize