It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
