I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
