Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
