I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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