dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
