Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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