i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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