WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I supernannyed him into submission
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
