i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
