this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am one with the molecules
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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