I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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