Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
