He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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