I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
