Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
