Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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