I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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