Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
