You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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