similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
