I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
