oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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