im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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