first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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