when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
