remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
