He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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