I look better un-naked...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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