I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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