glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
sex in a hospital.. check
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
