Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
