her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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