there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
