You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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