thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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