Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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