I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
