cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
