I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
