so explain again why im purple
no
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
