That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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