I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
