i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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