Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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