her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
