Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
do herpes really smell.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
