It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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