I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
