what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
