ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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