I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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