i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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